One morning, I was sitting in my room having my quiet time when while I was praying, I realized that though I was praying for God’s will and for him to change me into the person he wants me to be. I still wanted it to be all about me, instead of what God wanted, or I wanted to do God’s job and change myself.
I sat there, realizing that I was having trouble giving God control of my life; I would try to change myself, to transform myself instead of letting God do it. And when I messed up, I will get down on myself and feel like I failed God. Without realizing it, I was trying to earn it; this came from a genuine desire of wanting my heart to be molded after him, I truly desired to love like him and live like him, but I was trying to do that without him.
This was a tough pill to swallow, realizing that I had stunted my own growth because I was trying to be like Jesus without him. I was reading scripture, praying for him to shape my heart, helping me look like him, and forgiving like him, but ultimately in my heart, I was still trying to change myself instead of letting him do it.
Lord what does it look like to let you run my life?
So as I was sitting there, I asked him, “Lord, what does it look like to live in a way that is fully trusting in you and not trying to do it myself?” I truly wanted to know that answer. I wanted to know what it looks like to live in complete surrender to him.
I prayed for that for a week or so, and slowly but surely, he started to put the pieces together, from talking to good friends about it to asking questions in church and at youth group. And a little over a week later, while sitting in my room praying asking him the same question, everything kind of clicked together. All of the sudden, everything from the past week of praying for this, came together; things my youth leader said, my parents said, or that I read in scripture all just fell into place before my eyes.
And I realized that I felt like God got ripped off with me like it couldn’t be that easy as just excepting him. I felt I had to earn it, to be good enough, or to try to make myself worthy of his love. But I can’t, nothing I can do, will do, or have ever done can make me worthy; can make me good enough for him.
But God!!
I am not enough, BUT he makes me enough, I am not worthy, BUT he makes me worthy, I can’t earn it, BUT he gives it to me freely. It’s not me, it’s all him!! There is nothing that I can do to change myself; only he can shape my heart. And wow, he has been teaching that all I can do is have faith. That’s it!! All I can do is trust his faithfulness and that he is who he says he says he is and will do what he says he is going to do. It’s all about walking in faith, and trusting his faithfulness and growth in him will come.
I realized that in my heart, I doubted him, I questioned his power, I doubted his ability to answer my prayers and to shape my heart. So, I tried to take matters into my own hands and work on myself, but HE IS FAITHFUL!! His plan is beyond more incredible than anything I can do, and I’ve heard that a million times. But he brought new meaning to it because when I really think about it, he so much mightier than anything I can’t even imagine. He spoke this world into existence; heaven and earth tremble at his name. Surely, he’s great enough to handle whatever little problem I have.
Psalm 18:7 says, “Then the earth reeled and rocked; the foundations also of the mountains trembled and quaked, because he was angry.” Wow, that is a mighty and powerful God!!
He is faithful
Not only is he mighty, but he is faithful; he calls us to walk in faith because he is faithful. He shows up, even if it’s different than we thought it was going to be. It’s a day-by-day surrender in what he has for me; my pastor quoted someone this morning saying, “If I could have my will for one day, that day would be less good than if God’s will was done.” HE IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS AND WILL DO WHAT HE SAID HE WILL DO. He will not let us down or lead us astray; we will never fall when he is walking beside us, isn’t that a beautiful truth?!
Psalm 26:3 says 2-3 “Prove me, O Lord, and try me; test my heart and my mind. For your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in your faithfulness”. I don’t know about you, but I want God to test me and shape my heart while I walk in his faithfulness; and I trust that when I let him do it, he will be faithful.
He has no limits
There’s nothing that God can’t do; we try to limit him and doubt his power or worry that he won’t show up. But he is faithful, he was faithful to Abraham, he was faithful to Moses, he was faithful to Daniel, he was faithful to Ruth, he was faithful to Paul, and the list goes on and on.
That’s proof enough for me; it’s all about walking in faith. It’s not going to be easy; it’s a battle every day to choose to trust in his faithfulness in the mists of this world. I know that I’m gonna mess up and doubt him, but that’s when growth comes; when we fail, and he offers us grace, we grow more and more into who God calls us to be. It’s a moment by moment walk in faith that he is doing with us, and it is so sweet to know that he has me and is faithful!
Anyway, that’s what he has put on my heart to share, and it will forever be a journey to see what it looks like to walk in faith and the promises he holds for me! Please check out my post growing in grief for this holiday season. https://livinglifewithgracie.com/growing-in-grief/
I hope you know that you are fully known and fully loved; please reach out if you need anything. Have a blessed day!
-Gracie K
p.s. Also check out my mom’s blog https://www.lifesneverdull.com/
