Grief, this word usually makes people sad, uncomfortable, or maybe even angry, but this is what I am going to be talking about today.
Everyone experiences grief at some point in their lives; unfortunately, it’s part of the broken world we live in. I lost my Dad almost 6 years ago to pancreatic cancer, and I can honestly say it was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. He went to be with Jesus on Dec. 26th, the day after Christmas when I was 11; I am 17 now, and it’s weird looking back to when I was that young.
My life has changed so much in these last 6 years, hard things, amazing things, I have become who I am in the past 6 years. Before, I was a little 5th grader trying to find out who I am and who Jesus is to me; and now I am a senior who just got accepted into my dream school and knows somewhat of what I want to do with my life and is learning to walk with Jesus every day. There is so much I wish I could tell him or that I wish he could have seen, and there is so much I will carry with me for the rest of my life because of the grief of losing him.
I don’t really know what you will get out of this post; it’s just me being vulnerable about what I have walked through in grief and what I continue to walk through, and what I will walk through for the rest of my life. Maybe this helps you feel like you are not alone or encourages you to reach out to a friend or family member walking through grief right now.
There is the initial dealing with losing someone you love with grief, just doing the next right thing, and taking the next reasonable step. Trying to process to wrap your head about what just happened and realizing they are gone. I still go through some of these things, like recognizing that this one event will forever shape my life. Coming to an something in my life, and realizing it is yet another thing he won’t be coming to.
Trying to figure out what life looks like without that person; what does everyday life look like without this person. Trying to make the most out of life but feeling guilty for being happy without this person here, or something throws you off, and you feel like nothing ever happened and go to call or text them only to remember that they are not there.
Then when you get into what your new life seems to look like, and most days are fine and even really good, but then something sets you off, and you spiral right down into grief again. This is one of the things I will never understand about grief; I will be having a great day, and all of the sudden, I will be driving or working, and I will just break down for no reason and cry. Sometimes not even able to understand what is truly wrong, just that it hurts.
I know this is a hard post; trust me, it’s not that fun to write either, but it is something that needs to be talked about. After a couple of months or years, people think that those people who have lost someone are fine; they have probably moved on. Know that those who have lost someone will carry that with them for the rest of their lives; it is always part of them.
Holidays are tough for those who grieve; for our family, it brings back a time when we lost a crucial part of our family. For many others, it is a reminder of those who won’t be joining them for Thanksgiving or Christmas; questions of old traditions, family laughs, and memories all float to the surface this time of year. But we suppress this feeling because everyone around us says it’s the happiest time of the year, right?
For those of you who are walking through this right now, first of all, I am so sorry, it’s unfair and truly painful, and I’m sorry you have to walk that road. Know that you are not alone, I know that it feels like no one understands, and even though everyone walks through grief differently, you don’t have to face it alone. Reach out to family and friends and just be honest with them about where you are at or maybe a specialist or pastor to sit down and talk to.
Also, know that God has not left you in the valleys; through the pain and hurt, Jesus has not forsaken you. I know that feeling of being angry with God, but I could take greater comfort in knowing that he had a plan and a purpose for me and all I am walking through. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I may never see what he was doing by taking my Dad while I am on this earth, but I can have peace knowing that he has a plan.
He is not going to waste my pain; I know and trust that he has a plan and will use it to further his kingdom, and I have seen him be faithful in that. And remember to give yourself grace in grief, there have been so many times that I would get frustrated with myself for crying for no tangible reason or for spiraling at something silly, but that is part of grief. Don’t shy away, lean into those challenging moments of pain, don’t push it under the rug, but be open and honest about it, and God will give you peace in that.
If you know someone walking in grief, I encourage you to reach out to them and check-in; ask them how they are doing, and let them know you are thinking about them during this holiday season. Ask how you can pray for them and the best thing you can do for them is just be there for them and listen when they need you. You don’t need to try to say something to make them feel better; honestly, just love them, and being there will make all the difference.
Also, give the extra grace during this time, they may not want to talk about it, and that’s ok. Asking them how they are genuinely doing with their walk will help them to know that you love them and are there for them. Give them grace if they don’t want to go out or just want to be at home or if they just seem sad; be patient with them and let them have their time.
I hope you got something out of this post, I just felt God tug at my heart to write about it, and I just wanted to be real and honest about it, even when it is not always pretty. Please reach out if you need absolutely anything; I am always here and don’t want you to feel alone. I hope you know that you are fully known and fully loved!
-Gracie K
p.s. Please check out my post about making the most out of life https://livinglifewithgracie.com/how-to-making-the-most-out-of-life/
p.p.s. Also check out my moms blog https://www.lifesneverdull.com/
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