Loss is one of the hardest things we will go through in our lives when we lose someone we love; we also lose apart of who we are. When I was eleven years old I lost my Dad to pancreatic cancer.
my Dad was a fantastic guy, and he fought a hard, long year with cancer until he died late at night on December 26th. My siblings and I were asleep, and I remember waking up on the 27th and walking downstairs and seeing my mom and grandparents crying. Before they told me, I somehow knew what had happened and my life as I knew it crumbled before my eyes.
Walking with Grief
As an eleven-year-old, you can’t fully grieve, you’re mature enough to understand and cope, but you can’t fully work through all of the emotions. Grief is something you have to take day by day, it’s a long process and is never entirely gone.
I remember feeling so guilty about being happy, I realized that my Dad wouldn’t want me to be sad all the time, because when you love someone, you want them to be happy. My family and I got very close through grief, and we began to understand that we have to make the most of every day we have with each other because you never know when it will be your last.
Jeremiah 29:11
As I got older, I was able to work through my grief, I remember feeling so angry at God and couldn’t understand why he would take my Dad away. One of the biggest comforts to me was the verse Jeremiah 29:11 which says “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” It helped to know that God has a plan for my family and me, and even though I still don’t know what that plan is, I know he’s got it.
I also learned that even if my earthly father isn’t here that God is my father, who is always there. As time passed, it didn’t hurt every time I thought about my Dad, I missed him every day, but I could remember and enjoy the happy memories.
About 2 & ½ years later, we brought Joe into our family, and he is incredible. Joe loves us as his kids and encourages us to talk about our Dad. He encourages us and steps in as that father figure in our lives.
Grief grows with you
I learned that grief is something that grows with you, and as you get older, you experience it in different ways throughout milestones in your life. Grief is something that is never entirely gone, I still have good and bad days, and times that it’s hard to think about. I will always miss my Dad, but I know that I will always have God and my family to walk beside and love me.
-Gracie
